Welcome to the Gayborhood

Maybe six months ago, I was walking home after work. Sun was going down, fall day, headphones off, strolling. A mid-40s black guy in jeans and a sweatshirt was walking towards me, and as we passed he cocked his head and grunted "fag" at me. I didn't do anything, just kept walking. It really pissed me off and I've been stewing over it for months.

Two years ago, I didn't have a gay friend. I wasn't a homophobe, at least in that gay people didn't creep me out in the abstract, but I used the word "fag" pretty liberally and didn't think twice about it. I'd never say "nigger", but somehow "fag" was okay. That seemed standard in my white, straight, fratty East Coast liberal arts school world.

Now, I have all these gay friends. Well, a few. Three? One's a real diva, the other two are pretty much dudes who are gay. It's been great. They give me the rundown on gay professional athletes, they talk better shit than most of my straight friends and chicks fall into orbit around them like some sort of meteor belt.

Maybe a year ago, I was on an email list with a bunch of people I didn't know. Someone shot out a picture of a few people, one of which had a hideous, multi-colored thigh tattoo. I immediately fired off a "gayest tattoo ever" response, unaware that two gay guys and the owner of the thigh in question were all on the email list. I took some good-natured shit, but it drove the point home that I just cannot treat "gay" as a synonym for cheesy or weak or stupid or anything that isn't, well, gay.

Example: Titan's Ramrod, the bar above Hamburger Mary's that welcomes "Bears, Cubs, Wolves and Otters" is gay. Gilbert Arenas getting talked out of hitting his foul shots by Lebron James last year is not gay. It did, however, blow.

This attitude is in sharp contrast to my feelings about the word "fuck" and censorship issues in general. Don't censor authors -- Vote Webb. Don't censor music -- "My Neck, My Back..." Don't censor television -- Viva La Wire. I love Pulp Fiction, and can't imagine Maynard choosing between Butch and Marsellus via anything but his slur-heavy version of "Eeenie Meenie Miny Moe".

So, how can I tell people not to say whatever they want, just because I find something hateful or offensive? Can I maintain that a movie or a television program can have free reign, but that an individual should somehow be restricted? Are the ideas of "good taste" and "polite company" anachronisms? What do you say when you're straight and a stranger screams "FAG!" at you with all the hate he can muster?

If all this adds up to my inability to support the Washington Redskins, well, I'm gonna be fucking pissed.