Rob's Last Day

I made it about 18 months at my last job, where a vitriolic, megalomaniac founder ran a family-owned business like a feudal enterprise. Serf turnover was high, morale was low and, had it not been such great experience and training, all I'd have to show are the emotional scars and the NFL gambling addiction. Now, I'm at a new place, one of those oh-so-hopeful technology startups, where a couple successful late-30s/early-40s entrepreneurs band together, throw their collective hat in the ring, hire some smart kids out of school and shoot for the stars.

Enter Rob.

Rob was the first smart-kid-out-of-school the firm hired. 30 months ago, it was Rob and the founder, a real visionary, crafting this company out of the ether. Now, like the founder (who was displaced in a bloodless coup), Rob has been ushered out the door. Unlike the founder, Rob was capable of providing meaningful support for the growing enterprise – Rob is far more than an idea guy. Unlike the founder, Rob is among the most sarcastic, cutting, supercilious bastards you are likely to meet.

Apparently, Rob was a small nerd in high school, a twelve-sided die rolling, no-sex-having, self-loathing nerd, a plankton in the sea of his all-boys prep school. He got bigger in college, girls decided he was cute, and he built up a crusty I’m-the-man exterior, but he’s still got a nerd-like vulnerability that he lashes out to protect.

I like Rob. He’s fun to drink beers with, he makes funny jokes at other people’s expense, he’s loud and brash and it seems as if no one has broken his nose, which is shocking. But working with this guy – shit. I don’t think he did anything for the last six months, because he’s such a bastard to deal with that no one wanted to assign him any work. Even more impressive, he’s such a bastard to deal with that none of the bosses wanted to fire him.

Today, Rob left for good. He just kinda wandered off into the sunset, and by that I mean he moved back in with his parents and is having trouble finding a job. He was a real lesson for me – even if you’re smart and capable and hard-working and directed, if you’re a real cocksucker, you’ll never make management anywhere because the people above you will never promote you. I hope you figure this out, Rob.